My triceps hurt... more than I thought possible.

So forget what I said last night. That wasn't pain. THIS is pain. I have never been this sore in my life. My arms hurt so much that it woke me up last night. I can barely lift my hands to my face in the event of the need to scratch my nose or, you know, eat. Wow.

My triceps hurt...

I am sore. Normally I'm not sore until the second or third day, but I'm already sore. At 5:30 this morning, I rolled out of bed and headed to Chantilly to meet my personal trainer. His name is John, and he actually looks like the black version of my ex, also named John. So that was bizarre. But it's ok because he's pretty cool and I think he's the kind of person I would like working with. Unfortunately, he's also the most expensive trainer at the studio, so if I were to stay there, I would likely try to get someone else who was a little less expensive.

Anyway, I got on the treadmill to warm up, then the real fun began. And by fun, I mean he kicked my ass for 40 minutes and I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I'm not sure if the muscles between my boobs and my armpits are my pecs, but if they are, then my pecs hurt. We did range of motion, which isn't a problem, then I did that thing where you have to step onto a bench. Then we did bench press, then dead lift, then other things, then measuring (ugh). It wasn't so bad except that my muscles are screaming out for relief.

I was actually pretty happy to learn that things are not as bad as they would seem. He gave me what I felt was a reasonable number for where my weight should be, which he based on eyeballing my frame. I appreciate that, because I have a huge frame and generally where I would fall for a recommended weight would put me solidly into the skin-and-bones category. I also was pretty happy with the weight I was able to lift. Through my post-workout research, I've found that most women can't lift the Olympic bar (45 pound bar with no weights used for free weights), which explains why he started me on a 30 pound bar. After 20 reps of that, we went to just the 45 pound bar and when I was able to do that, he added on 5 pounds. I made it through about 6 reps of that with him pushing me along, which is exactly why I need a personal trainer. If I were on my own, I would go "Ok, well 45 felt good for 5 reps, so I'm done." With a spotter and encouragement and someone to be accountable to besides myself, I was able to do a lot more and feel good about it.

I also had to fill out a questionnaire and when it asked me if I was sedentary, I circled in between the "yes" and the "no" options. John disagreed and told me I definitely was active, which I appreciated. I don't always feel active because I sit behind a desk all day, but I try to do something on a regular basis. I guess compared to the majority of the population, I am pretty active and for someone my size, I'm relatively fit.

Overall, I was really happy with it. This session was free, as are the next three that I have through a Groupon. Then I have 10 sessions that I got at a place in Reston through Groupon as well, so that should be a good comparison. If I really want to continue with personal training, I might work on finding a way to budget it in. I have to view it as an investment made in my health and not as money being spent for nothing. My health and fitness are things that will benefit me no matter what happens in the future, so I should definitely spend money on them.

I have a personal trainer. That's weird.

So, tonight I set up my first ever personal training session. For whatever reason, I decided to set it up for 6 a.m. on Saturday morning. I don't understand why I do the things that I do, but I guess Matt and I will be calling it an early night after dinner on Friday so that I can get up at the crack of dawn to bust my ass and then be downtown at work by 8:30 a.m. I make interesting decisions sometimes.

But I had a good conversation with my potential trainer on the phone tonight and it will certainly be interesting. He said I shouldn't expect it to be painful, and either way I have three free sessions, so I'm not paying for it now. Then I can switch to a personal trainer in Reston and give that a try and figure out which I like best and maybe keep going, or maybe find a different one, or maybe decide it's not for me.

I did lose two pounds at WW this week, which was nice bc I was pretty sure I was going to go up two pounds. Good to know that all the working out I did last week was worthwhile (the 33:57 elliptical 5K, for example!! WOOOOO!). August is a good time for me to focus and try to get into a rhythm bc when the school year starts (both for attending and for work) I'm going to be challenged to keep it up.

I got my score back from my questionnaire. I got 100% and the instructor asked if she could post it as an example of an excellent project. I really don't understand. While I didn't think it was absolute crap, I really wouldn't think it was a shining example -- even reading through it again, I feel like it has some major issues. So either the rest of the class is pretty crappy or I'm better than I thought or I have amazing luck and I keep guessing the right answers correctly despite not understanding the content. It could be any of the above really, but I guess it's a good problem to have.

I should probs customize this blog and make it look better. Maybe when I get a better idea of how I'm actually going to use it, I will. I've been thinking that it's pretty narcissistic to write a blog and expect people to read it when it just addresses the daily and boring goings-on of my life. Perhaps I should give it a theme, or set up some kind of schedule. Like Tuesdays I address weight and exercise and Wednesdays I address work/life balance. (HA! I have none of that. I'm a workaholic.) Or maybe I've never done a damn thing in my life that's organized so why start now? I want this to be a coherent publication, something that people might read who don't know me inside and out. I like to discover people's blogs and read them and relate to them. But I suppose it's an evolutionary process. So I'll make slow but steady progress and hopefully people will want to read it.

I leave with this: my most recent nail polish color. It's China Glaze Celtic Sun and I love it, but I went swimming twice and it didn't last. This is it's dying moments when I wanted to take a picture and capture it for posterity. I like nail polish in kind of a middle-school-girl way and so there may be nail polish pictures on here from time to time. Deal with it.

Heat wave! This is my island in the sun!

After working out of McDonald's today in Pearisburg to have internet access, I've finished designing my questionnaire for class and am not looking forward to the crazy week of studying and discussion I have in front of me. But it's ok, because two weeks from right now, my class will be finished and I'll have a (brief) respite from homework. Speaking of which, I guess I should sign up for classes for the fall...

We spent the weekend at my grandfather's house beginning the process of moving him out of his home and into our house. I didn't do that much to help out because I was working (at McDonald's), but I'll probably be going down there in the next few weeks to help out fairly regularly. I'm also, apparently, getting a new dresser, which will be nice, though I've had my current one since I was a small child and I've always loved it. But it's not really big enough for an adult so I guess I should move on. *sigh*

With not a lot to do today, and my laptop charging, I decided to go for a run. For those of you who don't know because perhaps you live on another planet (or at least in Europe), it has been insanely hot in the eastern part of the United States over the last week or two.

 So, my grandfather lives up in the mountains of southwestern Virginia and I thought "Well, it can't be that hot. I'll go for a run." Bad idea. It was a mistake in so many ways. First of all, it's in the mountains, which by definition means that it is not a flat running area. I started off running, then switched to running the flat and downhill areas only, then just the downhills, then I pretty much just walked. But for whatever reason, I decided to run up the most brutal hill of the entire route, at which point I probably would have just thrown myself into traffic to end it all, except that Pearisburg has a population of like 300 people and there weren't all that many cars on the road.

I also, in my wisdom, did not wear sunscreen. In fact, I didn't even think to put it on. It's not like I don't put on sunscreen every single morning when I get ready. It's not that I don't know that the sun and I have an adversarial relationship. But, for whatever reason, it did not even cross my mind that putting on sunscreen for a noon run in 90-degree heat might be a good idea. Long story short, my skin has taken on a very pink glow as the day comes to a close and I'm sitting with my beautiful can of spray aloe waiting for it to get worse. Btw, spray aloe = the best invention EVER!

All the years I spent putting aloe in the refrigerator and then trying to squeeze the gel out are at an end! Behold! I also used to have an aloe plant, and that was pretty much heaven on earth. I'm looking into attaining another one, but in the mean time, God bless you, Banana Boat.

I also didn't wear a hat to keep the heat/sun off my face, so now I'll have the sunglasses burn that's always so charming. But anyway, by the time I rolled up to the house on my walk, I was exhausted, dehydrated, and sweating (which is saying a lot, because I don't sweat much). But I got in my run/walk despite my foolhardy attempts to take on Nature. I'll be a little more respectful in the future.

I've got a full day tomorrow, despite it being my day off. (We'll see how long I continue to have Mondays off, but that's for another time.) So I'm heading to bed. Good night to everyone who reads, which at this point, is only Matt.

What would a CJ Barbie look like?

There are times when I have to remind myself that grad school is a worthwhile endeavor. I'm getting a master's degree in strategic public relations, which I hope will help me get a job working as a press secretary on the Hill or on a political campaign. There are several things that made me want to become a PR flak, not the least of which was my deep and pure love of Claudia Jean Cregg, fictional White House press secretary and chief of staff under President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet.

I love C.J., but I have a firm grip on reality and I understand that neither she, nor the West Wing, are actually real (though that doesn't stop me from wishing that they were).

I originally wanted to be a journalist, and sometimes I still do, but I started J-School at UMD and found it absolutely miserable. I also realized that the journalism industry is changing and with fewer reporters filling the same amount of space and doing their own editing, the articles were becoming little more than a regurgitation of the press release. I used to think that the information that reached the people was carefully found out and shaped and delivered to the people so they could have a complete understanding of what was going on, and determine what was right and wrong and how they felt about things and the world. I found out that wasn't happening, and more often than not, it was the PR writer or the press secretary making the pres conference statement that made the news story. They were the ones making the message that reached the people, and I wanted to be a part of that.

But in order to do that, I needed to get some kind of background in PR and the university where I was interested in working offered that degree. So I applied, got a job, took a non-degree class, applied for the program, got in, and now I'm in my second semester of my master's degree program, which I could finish as early as next summer. Yet, tonight I sit here with 53 minutes left to submit a response to a lesson in the discussion forum, and I have absolutely no motivation to do it at all.  I'm scanning through a lecture transcript bc I don't have time to take the lazy way out and just sit and listen to the lecture. Every time I contribute something on the discussion board (this summer is online classes, usually they're on campus), I feel like an idiot and I feel like everyone knows I didn't do the reading and I don't know what I'm talking about. But then I get really awesome grades on everything. Which is great, but I don't really feel like I have a good grip on what we're supposed to be learning, and therefore I fear failing each and every assignment bc the last one might have just been dumb luck.

I now have 20 minutes to finish this response, though I have finished reading the lecture. I feel like I'm just rambling both here and in my class, but I'm not sure what to say. The guy made a lot of interesting points, but do I want to be "that girl" in class who starts every sentence with "What I found particularly interesting was...." and everyone rolls their eyes and hopes someone more interesting starts talking. Man, I don't miss discussion sections.

Well, the discussion item is posted and I have to go to work tomorrow, do more classwork, hopefully get my oil changed and then head to the hills of Virginia for some light moving.

On an unrelated note, my hair is really curly right now and it looks awesome. It won't stay this way and it never looks this good when I want to have curly hair at work, so that's sad. Here is an artist's rendering of what it looks like:

...except, you know, shorter. Btw, I think that's a pretty cool looking doll, but I would like to point out that the picture is called "Wiccan Barbie."

Ah, the first weight post of many...

One of the things I'm perennially working on is losing weight. I'm not so much a yo-yo dieter, but I am a yo-yo weight loser. I don't necessarily go for fad plans or crash diets where I suddenly lose a ton of weight, but I'll slowly but surely lose 10, 15, or 20 pounds... then much too quickly gain back 15, 20, or 25 pounds. My co-worker, Fifi, came into my office a couple months ago with a Weight Watchers flier and said "Are we going to this?" so I agreed to do it. I did WW in college, and I wasn't a fan, but my mom lost a lot of weight on it and now works for them, so I figured I'd give it a second chance.

One of the keys for me to lose weight is to maintain an active lifestyle, which I am sometimes good about and sometimes not. For example, this week I've logged six miles of walking and two trips to the local pool to swim laps. I always like to keep things in some kind of unit when I exercise, whether it's miles or minutes or calories. Usually I prefer distance measurements. For example, when I walk, I like to walk a 5K and when I swim, I like to swim the distance required for a sprint triathlon (half an Olympic-distance triathlon). It helps me feel like I have an end goal in mind. If anyone wants to help me keep active, I'm always looking for ways we can hang out together and do that, whether it's go for a walk, go sightseeing on foot, or spend a day at the pool.

I log my activity via President's Challenge which is a pretty cool site. It encourages people to be more active and assigns points based on what you do. If you're physically active, it's kind of a neat way to give yourself higher goals, and if you're not physically active, it's a way to start setting those goals. The Presidential Active Lifestyle Award is pretty cool -- it involves being active five days a week for 30 minutes or more, six weeks out of eight. I also use the Internet to read a lot of blogs about people who do things like "enjoy running." I want to be one of those people desperately. Certain types of exercise to me are enjoyable, like walking and swimming, but running is a chore. I'm not very good at it, either, but I figure with time I might get better. I'm trying to be active in 5Ks and other kinds of races, including maybe doing a 15K in December with my sister.

There are a lot of things I'd like to be able to do as I get healthier, like finish a triathlon (sprint distance) and run a marathon (maybe somewhere as part of a Hawaiian vacation). These are goals I talk about off-the-cuff like I don't really want to do them, but I actually do. So, if I know you and you want to be active, you can help me achieve things that will really mean a lot to me. There are little things I want to achieve along the way. On my trip to Asia, I was completely comfortable fitting into my plane seats (which I was not on my trip to Oklahoma last summer for my grandfather's funeral) because I had lost enough weight to do that. When I was sick on the way back and felt like utter shit, I was glad that I was at least comfortable in the seat as I tossed and turned and prayed for my Ambien to work better than it did. That was a big achievement. I'd like to be able to fit into a couple of the cute shirts that I own with buttons that don't button over my (huge) boobs (which will get smaller with weight loss... hopefully). So in all seriousness, I'd love the support of my friends and family as I work on making this effort a real goal that I achieve, and not another failed attempt with a net loss of plus five pounds.

I feel like this blog will be a combination of a lot of the different things that will interest me. There may be pictures of what I'm eating (I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of people's meals), what I do to work out, the nail polish that I'm wearing (I took one of those this morning -- I was wearing China Glaze Celtic Sun!), work, school, etc. So, consider this my introductory weight post.

Why not?

I figure I'd give this blogging thing a try. All the cool kids seem to be doing it. I'm going to try to keep my real name out of it for as long as possible, but I don't think that will work very well. I'd just prefer to not have it pop up when people search for me.

Anyway, I've got a lot going on these days, not to mention the fact that I can be kind of an unpleasant person to be around, meaning that I don't have a plethora of friends (though I'm not a friendless hermit, as Matt would say), so it's a good place to share some things happening with me without making everyone else deal with them.

I'm not quite sure what I'll talk about here. For the most part, I'm working through my depression, though the subject will inevitably come up from time to time because it's an important subject and has helped shaped me as I am. I'm also working on improving my overall physical and mental health. I'm trying to improve my diet, my activity, and my weight (forever a struggle), so this is as good a place as any to document that. I work full-time at a job that I don't like very much but it's at a university, so I'm going to grad school for almost nothing, which makes the job worthwhile. I'm getting a master's degree in strategic public relations, so that I can hopefully be a press secretary on the Hill -- follow in the footsteps of C.J. Cregg (the blog title is a West Wing allusion).

So yeah, I guess we'll see what happens. I don't really know how to use these "technologies" that the kids use these days, but I'm sure I'll get better with time.

M