Victory over losers

So, today Jade and I had to go return a lost ID card to the ID office, where my horrible ex works. I generally avoid the office like the plague, but I've since started feeling much better about myself and the bad decisions I made (I still wish I hadn't made them, but I've stopped beating myself up for it) and I decided it was time to go do this. I have no reason to be afraid of going there or of giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he somehow has the upper hand. He doesn't. So, I went there. He hid his face like the coward that he was and forced someone else to help us and then he hid in his computer until I left. And you know what? I felt fine. Great, really. I mean, I used to see him and just start sobbing, and I literally have not felt bad about seeing him for even a second today. Which is pretty awesome. It looks like it took me two years to get over him, but now here I stand and I'm feeling pretty good. He's a loser, I'm not and he and his "fiancee" will be very happy together (until they divorce because he won't stop sleeping with other people, which he won't).

In other news, fall has... fallen. (Ok, so is there some sort of "spring has sprung" equivalent for fall that doesn't suck?) It was a chilly 60 degrees when I left work last night and damp. It got down into the upper-40s last night and it should be there again tonight. I'm absolutely a warm-weather person, but I love the season when it's still warm (70-80 degrees) but there's a crispness in the air and you can wear a light sweater/cardigan. I'm feeling very autumnal. I have a sudden urge to go out to a field and pick a pumpkin, sit on a hay bale, and wear a plaid shirt. I'm not sure why "autumnal" to me means Farmer Jane, but to each their own. I also am interested in sitting around in cable knit sweaters in front of a fire, drinking a hot toddy, and doing something else equally appropriate. I imagine I will be clutching my mug with both hands and have my elbows resting gently on the arm of the couch, with my feet curled up under me in large woolen socks. (Ok, it was like 75 degrees today, so maybe we're not quite there yet, but come December, this is what I want to be doing.) Also, I don't know what a hot toddy tastes like, but I've decided I want one. Cold Weather Project #1: Use Jack Daniels from Nashville trip to make hot toddy.

As it gets colder, my office will inevitably turn into the Arctic wasteland that it devolves into during the winter months. I have an adorable little space heater purchased on the company dime, but last year they told us we couldn't have them because they "fixed the heat." I'm not sure where exactly they did that, but it wasn't at Ice Station Zebra, as I have taken to calling my office.

Anyway, I will likely continue to use my illegal space heater, but in an effort to be somewhat more environmentally conscious (and help the university save a few bucks that they'll pay to a needy employee... what? That won't happen? Oh.) I think that I will get myself an office Snuggie. I already have a regular Snuggie. It is beautiful and leopard print and it is, after all, the blanket with sleeves, so there's nothing that could ever be wrong with it. But my friend Olivia has her office Snuggie and I think it's an awesome idea. Her's is UMD (vomit) so I think I might get a UVA one. I mean, how awesome would it be to look like this in my office:

Answer: SO awesome.

Though I'm not entirely sure how I'll afford to buy my Snuggie (or my new shoes, or anything ever) because we had a Fidelity at-work education presentation today and I decided to up my retirement contributions. I'll now be putting 10% into my 403(b), which I was already doing, and an additional 5% into a Roth IRA. (God, is this the most boring thing I could ever talk about? Possibly.) So I guess we'll see how I make-do with less money. I don't have a lot of it now, but I think I'd rather have a lot of it later. Speaking of which, I finally am getting a real paycheck again because they will no longer be taxing me on my tuition and taking it out of my measly paycheck. Yay for money! Now I can pay down my CC bill that built up while they were taxing me like crazy. Oh wait, now my money is gone. *sigh* 

Sarah is better at blogging than me.

Truer words have never been written as a blog post title. Sarah is better at blogging than me. She has all this personality and spunk and she, you know, posts. I mean, we've had an earthquake, a hurricane, flooding, and Stephen Strasburg and I haven't been able to motivate myself to write a solid blog post.

So, we had an earthquake. At this point it was pretty much a year ago, so I'm not going to go into details. Suffice it to say that in the height of the shaking I said, in an extremely calm voice, "In elementary school, they told us to get under our desks in an earthquake. I'm going to get under the table." And then pretty much everyone else did that. It was strange. Also the pictures fell off my wall in my office and then we got to go home early. Yay!

That's right, the ugly Monet that I don't like and came with my office fell off the wall. I don't know how I'll survive. Also, my office is a a pig sty.

All right, earthquake out of the well. Hurricane Irene was a bit of a disappointment to those of us around here. Let me be clear that I'm not making light of the destructive flooding it caused further north, but I love extreme weather and it barely even rained. Tropical Storm Lee, or the remnants of it rather, have been making crazy rainfall over the last week and I love it, though now half of Fairfax County is underwater, so I'm glad that I was able to get home via I-66 tonight, because all my other routes were washed out.

So, why haven't I posted? It's the same configuration of stuff: work is crazy, school is crazy, life is crazy, can't find the time. But really all of those things are excuses (ok, work really IS crazy, but still) and I just need to figure out a way to make this happen. I like blogging, even if no one is reading and even if I think the word "blog" is an affront to the English language. I don't even have nail polish on my hands right now (or on my feet, for that matter) I've been so busy. But I still just need to make this a regular part of things. Even if it's only a couple times a week, or once a week at first. I find it helpful.

I did succeed in making my blog pretty the last time I was on here and played around with it, so that's good. I like using Memorial Bridge as the picture because it's a beautiful structure and I feel like this could be a helpful place as I move forward with my life, crossing a symbolic bridge into adulthood, if you will. Ok, gross, no. I primarily picked it because it's a pretty picture of DC and I drive over it every morning to work and that's the bridge that Toby, Josh and Donna cross at the end of "20 Hours in America."

So, yeah, I've been watching some Parks and Recreation, doing some room organizing, watching some West Wing, doing presentations on Cathay Pacific marketing campaigns and working 10-11 hours a day. But I went out last weekend and had a social evening with coworkers that resulted in losing my keys and talking about graduate school admissions with anyone who will listen. And a lot of people want to listen to that at bars apparently. Who knew?

All right, I'm tired and this sucks because Sarah is better than me, but I vow I will improve.

Making Blogging a Habit

They say that good habits have to become habits before you can keep them. Obviously blogging isn't a habit for me yet, but I hope that it will be. This week has been pretty busy, but I could have made time to blog, it just didn't really come to me as something I should do until it was bedtime. So I have a while before my dinner reservations tonight, so I'm going to use it to write a solid blog post.

One of the reasons I want to write a blog regularly is because I think it's a good place for me to organize my thoughts. Whether they're about weight loss, nail polish, cooking, social life, school, work, etc., having them all written down in one place helps me contain them into finite thoughts and lists of thoughts, which I can then organize into something that doesn't seem quite so overwhelming. Being seriously depressed was very frightening and, while I hope it doesn't become an issue again, having some measure of control over my life is a good way to keep that from happening. I've always been a person with a plan and when I was the most depressed, my plans were shot and I didn't know what I wanted to do other than to marry someone who was bad for me and completely lose my sense of identity in him. Good thing that didn't actually happen.

Having more solid plans that can roll with the punches should be good in the future. It's one of the reasons I named my blog "What's next?" It's a West Wing reference, sure, but it's also a rallying cry to face life as it comes at you, tackle it, handle it, and move forward. Locating the lightswitch is also a West Wing reference that, while ridiculous, is essentially the same concept.

So this week has been busy, but it's been REALLY great. I worked out every single day from August 8 through August 15. I went to two awesome Zumba classes (I've been looking for a great instructor since Jose left GWU) and got my ass kicked more than once by things like "Step and Sculpt" (*shudder*). That instructor was a sadist, but he was wearing a UVA shirt, so we'll call it even. But I felt really proud of myself for sticking to the working out, even though some of it was out of my comfort zone, even though I busted my ankle a couple weeks ago, even though I was tired and didn't want to do it, etc. I worked out, I kept up with the skinny girls (for the most part) and I had a good weigh-in yesterday (also kept up with all my points tracking for WW). I feel like the physical activity part of things (at least right now) is really coming together. That's another thing I want to make a habit.

Work is going pretty well right now, too. Though there are a lot of frustrations, given my boss's....unique... personality, but I feel like I have a solid handle on things. Having been in charge of a program on top of my other duties for the past year has been a challenge. I haven't done it single-handed, but I became the go-to for much of the school when people needed a rep from our program. I took on a lot of the director's responsibilities that were time-consuming and way over my pay grade, and generally I got treated like shit while doing them. But now we have a new director, things are falling back into place, and I've done everything for a year. So now it should be easy.

Today we wrapped up our annual admissions cycle, and everyone with a complete application has received a decision, which is amazing. I'm not sure it's ever happened before in the history of the program. One of the interesting things about my job is even on the days when I slack off and I'm not working constantly, there's something to do, because there are always applications to be processed, decisions to be rendered, letters to be sent, etc. But now... there aren't. Now it's done and when I sent the last letters, I literally felt a completely different atmosphere enter the office today, because it finally felt like we were where we should be, after all this time. I think we can stay ahead of the game this coming year, too, so I look forward to that. Though, hopefully in a year, I'll be done with grad school and looking for a new job and it will become someone else's admissions cycle.

And on top of working out and handling work, I'm in-between semesters for school, so I didn't have to work on Saturday, do homework on Sunday, or freak out about not having any time to myself. It feels really good to be on "vacation" from school, even though I'm still going to work. And tonight I have dinner reservations at a fancy steakhouse with three lovely ladies (though one was a last-minute cancellation -- sad) from college who I love to be around. It's Restaurant Week in DC and so we're getting three courses for cheap at a nice place and I've been looking forward to it for weeks.

Right now, things are good. I'm in a good place. I'm wearing a cute dress. My weight is coming down. My activity is going up. I'm getting good grades and doing good work. This is a little bit of a cheesy post bc it's basically just "Life is good," but it is right now. So I thought I'd write about it as I attempt to make blogging a good habit, too, like I'm trying to do with all these other things.

And I don't have nail polish on my nails right now, but I leave you with my Fourth of July manicure from when Laura and I went to Nashville:

As you can see, it's kind of crappy. It's supposed to look like a firework (which was not my idea, you can find the original here). I think it came out all right given that I used a toothpick and have no skillz whatsoever. And here it is on the whole hand:

I'll keep the pedicure in reserve for the next time I'm not wearing nail polish.

What would a CJ Barbie look like?

There are times when I have to remind myself that grad school is a worthwhile endeavor. I'm getting a master's degree in strategic public relations, which I hope will help me get a job working as a press secretary on the Hill or on a political campaign. There are several things that made me want to become a PR flak, not the least of which was my deep and pure love of Claudia Jean Cregg, fictional White House press secretary and chief of staff under President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet.

I love C.J., but I have a firm grip on reality and I understand that neither she, nor the West Wing, are actually real (though that doesn't stop me from wishing that they were).

I originally wanted to be a journalist, and sometimes I still do, but I started J-School at UMD and found it absolutely miserable. I also realized that the journalism industry is changing and with fewer reporters filling the same amount of space and doing their own editing, the articles were becoming little more than a regurgitation of the press release. I used to think that the information that reached the people was carefully found out and shaped and delivered to the people so they could have a complete understanding of what was going on, and determine what was right and wrong and how they felt about things and the world. I found out that wasn't happening, and more often than not, it was the PR writer or the press secretary making the pres conference statement that made the news story. They were the ones making the message that reached the people, and I wanted to be a part of that.

But in order to do that, I needed to get some kind of background in PR and the university where I was interested in working offered that degree. So I applied, got a job, took a non-degree class, applied for the program, got in, and now I'm in my second semester of my master's degree program, which I could finish as early as next summer. Yet, tonight I sit here with 53 minutes left to submit a response to a lesson in the discussion forum, and I have absolutely no motivation to do it at all.  I'm scanning through a lecture transcript bc I don't have time to take the lazy way out and just sit and listen to the lecture. Every time I contribute something on the discussion board (this summer is online classes, usually they're on campus), I feel like an idiot and I feel like everyone knows I didn't do the reading and I don't know what I'm talking about. But then I get really awesome grades on everything. Which is great, but I don't really feel like I have a good grip on what we're supposed to be learning, and therefore I fear failing each and every assignment bc the last one might have just been dumb luck.

I now have 20 minutes to finish this response, though I have finished reading the lecture. I feel like I'm just rambling both here and in my class, but I'm not sure what to say. The guy made a lot of interesting points, but do I want to be "that girl" in class who starts every sentence with "What I found particularly interesting was...." and everyone rolls their eyes and hopes someone more interesting starts talking. Man, I don't miss discussion sections.

Well, the discussion item is posted and I have to go to work tomorrow, do more classwork, hopefully get my oil changed and then head to the hills of Virginia for some light moving.

On an unrelated note, my hair is really curly right now and it looks awesome. It won't stay this way and it never looks this good when I want to have curly hair at work, so that's sad. Here is an artist's rendering of what it looks like:

...except, you know, shorter. Btw, I think that's a pretty cool looking doll, but I would like to point out that the picture is called "Wiccan Barbie."

Why not?

I figure I'd give this blogging thing a try. All the cool kids seem to be doing it. I'm going to try to keep my real name out of it for as long as possible, but I don't think that will work very well. I'd just prefer to not have it pop up when people search for me.

Anyway, I've got a lot going on these days, not to mention the fact that I can be kind of an unpleasant person to be around, meaning that I don't have a plethora of friends (though I'm not a friendless hermit, as Matt would say), so it's a good place to share some things happening with me without making everyone else deal with them.

I'm not quite sure what I'll talk about here. For the most part, I'm working through my depression, though the subject will inevitably come up from time to time because it's an important subject and has helped shaped me as I am. I'm also working on improving my overall physical and mental health. I'm trying to improve my diet, my activity, and my weight (forever a struggle), so this is as good a place as any to document that. I work full-time at a job that I don't like very much but it's at a university, so I'm going to grad school for almost nothing, which makes the job worthwhile. I'm getting a master's degree in strategic public relations, so that I can hopefully be a press secretary on the Hill -- follow in the footsteps of C.J. Cregg (the blog title is a West Wing allusion).

So yeah, I guess we'll see what happens. I don't really know how to use these "technologies" that the kids use these days, but I'm sure I'll get better with time.

M